Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I haven’t done that in awhile. My own words. I wish I didn’t have to use them. I am begging to be allowed to not say anything at all. Can’t you see me begging and pleading?
Let’s talk about other things.
Earlier this morning, I dreamed I went back to work for Tim. He and I were interviewing people for jobs. I dreamed I was trying to talk my current job into letting me do it part time still because it’s really part time work. I dreamed of all these people welcoming me back in a parade of faces. Some belonged there, some did not. What is funny is that the office is one that has been in my dreams before. When I dream about CF the office always looks the same. It ended when I was awakened by the phone ringing at 7:00 am.
Davie’s tennis camper calling to see if today’s lessons are still on. Not very likely.
The rain fell from before the sun came up yesterday until after it went down. It rained all night and it is raining still. The house is dark and freezing. Outside it feels like a sauna. Water is choking every corner, every low spot in the uneven ground and everything else left abandoned outside. The rain has been falling every night for at least a week and so much fell in the days and weeks before now. We are soaked and the soaking is to the bone. It’s good but I suspect once it’s gone, it won’t be long before there will be a return to complaining about drought like conditions. Afterall, what else does anyone have to talk about except the worst things? We are a deficit focused world. And I am a deficit focused girl…my apologies to Madonna.
I have to try and do some work.