It’s another time when I feel I am floating through my life. I am getting up and getting down and getting up again every day. I recognize the symptoms finally. I feel like I am just two feet above everything and watching all that is happening without taking part. Sleep now because it’s time. Eat now because you are supposed to eat. But, nothing else much registers. I have been doing it for months, and I didn’t even notice. Until now, and I guess that’s a start.
Today, our air conditioner’s broken. I noticed this right away. Yesterday it was broken. This weekend, it was broken. The perfect timing for all air conditioners to break – Memorial Day weekend. It gasped and sputtered out cool air intermittently all weekend. David called me Fonzie as I squeezed a few more hours out of it. Someone will be here today to fix it but I am trapped in the house until they do. Thank god it stormed last night, and there is cool air blowing a breeze across the wet grass. If only there were a screen door on the back door still.
I haven’t exercised in four days, and I had a Dr. Pepper last week and a few more since. And here’s a new development. That pre-menstrual symptom of aching joints that I always wondered about is something I now experience. For the last three months, about this time, I developed an ache in my elbow, and this morning it was also in my hand. I’m a goddamn mess at thirty-four. At least I noticed it today. And here is something else entirely. I haven’t done the things I love for what seems like months now either…no music, no Kerrville, no Susan Gibson last weekend, and she was here in town. Something’s all askew in my world. If I miss Kerrville, it will be the first time I haven’t gone in six years. But I don’t feel like even going. I wonder if she even noticed my absence at her show.
This is complaining when I should just do something about it. Something to remind me that I am in fact, here and a part of this place. I know this intellectually, but mostly, I want to curl up on my couch and finger the channel changer.
Dixie's Road Trip 