bulbously clear

I’ve watched all the good things in my life come fast and hard and fall away again with extraordinary precision. I am standing on the street corner wondering if I should cross against the light.

I could walk or stop. I just don’t know what is wanted from me. Walk. Stop. The signs are all backwards and dull in the reflection of the sun. I’ll wait for sunset for things in neon to come bulbously clear. Yeah, I just made and used that word as I pleased without regard to its true meaning. To hell with it.

The funk is still a wide chasm. Mostly, I still want to sit at home on my couch and watch hours of mindless TV fodder and not move more than an inch in any one direction but tonight I made myself go and be social. Thankfully, I can focus on the moment and once in it, I am fine.

The flutter of love was whispered ever so softly in my ears again. A low hush and soft timber did not make me rush off into the dark night. This night I only looked downward and said thank you in recognition of its sincerity.

I am plainly lost and so very tired.

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