the indian runner

I am watching the Indian Runner. The movie, inspired by a Springsteen song, was written and directed by Sean Penn. I think springsteen and penn could be the same person.

It is a starkly beautiful movie shot in the early 90’s but has the very feel of a movie crafted out of 70’s style cinema. There is an extraordinary collection of odd characters as well. The socially inept pink lady is a priceless detail.

In thinking about it, I tend to be attracted to those characters who are both beautiful and dark. Who are in constant conflict with their internal tenderness and the ghost that haunts their very soul making them crazy, mean or both. They are always adored and feared equally by the ones who love them.

What is frustrating to me is that I am unable to write one of my own. There is no clear way I can realistically demonstrate the conflict or the melancholy or the tortured internal struggle. And moreover, I do not seem to have a genuine way of showing human fallibility without trying to justify its existence or explain it away. I want to and I have tried over and over again to create someone I believe in. Always unsuccessfully.

I love the soundtrack…especially that Jefferson Airplane song. It just puts me in a mood.

I saw you. I saw you, coming back to me.