Home is not really a place at all

I posted only one other time this month so I guess this is somewhat required lest I be lost and forgotten. It’s been easy enough to be lost in the crazy amount of work lately or lost in the changes around the house. I’ve just been to distracted to write anything.

Last weekend, I took a short road trip and went out to Wimberly to hang out. It was great to get away from the house, to spend time out in an open space and to sit by the river. I was thinking then and there about how much I miss being in a place where I am surrounded by trees and water and not streets and neighbors. I am sometimes conflicted about where I live but living for free versus living where I feel the most at peace is by its very nature complicated. I keep close the thought that the choice only gets me closer to the things I really want. One day.

I had to take a trip this week up to Oklahoma. Did some work but also took a little detour back home. Two road trips in less than a week. This time I took hayseed with me so I could show off some of the places from my past that I love. The weather was not so cooperative but I like being there anyway. The rolling terrain, scrub oaks, roaming buffalo and hidden lakes are home. Some parts of home never change, some parts change so much you wonder if your memory is failing you.

Drove by the house. I don’t think you can ever get used to the idea of other people walking the hall to your bedroon and sleeping in your room and making food in your kitchen. It’s the same people that bought the house. I drove by the first week after they moved in. That was so many years ago. It’s the same blue van that parked under the carport. Though now it’s full of rust and that same carport sags dangerously. Pisses me off how they’ve let it get into such disrepair. The deck and addition finished just before grandma Dixie died are now tipping and falling away board by board. The pear and peach tree are now so large it’s hard to image the times when I was 10 and able to pull off a fresh fruit every day. It’s the same way with how change and memories can fool your perspective. Things once thought so large or so far in distance are just not.

Home is not really a place at all… just a memory.

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