I didn't win the lottery on Wen night but the good news is no one else did either.

Here’s me. It’s 3:00am. I am awake though I won’t say wide awake, merely awake in the sense that my eyes are open and I am thinking. And I smell of smoke and other things that trespassed without my permission. I could be sleeping. I could be drowning in dreams but I’ll hardly remember anyway. What’s the real point at this point.

The princess bride cat, whatever it’s name is that I can never remember, is crying at the door to be let out. I say if you go out, you’ll be out all night ’cause I’m not waiting up to let you back in. But she only looks at me and yells some more kitty profanities.

I sat down to check my email but was captivated by the red light on the phone that lit up for a second and then went away again. Someone’s using line one. This might be fine except that it’s only me, the bitchy cat and the big sleeping dog at home tonight. It does this on occasion and I find myself wondering if it’s big brother or some ghostly echo sending me a heavenly message. On being questioned….

Big Brother aka Home Land Security: We are detaining you indefinitely because of some of the comments you made to your mother about voting for Carter. Even though you weren’t old enough to vote then. We don’t care what you have to say now and no, a lawyer is not on the way. We are putting this bag and tape over your mouth for future interrogations rituals. me:mpfff

Ghostly Echo’s aka Oral Roberts: Why did you come to believe in god ms dixie? me: Well, sir, it all started with the red light on line one.

So, now I am here, more awake than before, typing into sleeplessness. Now, if I stopped using capital letters, would anyone notice or care even?

I am glad I got to talk to you today. Sometimes I wish it was over the metal table in some courtyard with big sweeping trees and easy listening in the background instead of over the phone. But I am glad for it just the same.

It was like being somewhere else tonight. Fingers of a soft hand touched my neck placed ever so easily on the base. Cradled and used to hold me closer as we crossed the dance floor. In all the years, it is the most intimacy we’ve shared. When we left each other, I was given the sweetest kiss on my check. It was endearing and I felt affection again. If only for a moment.

Man, my mind is moving in a variety of ways. Tangents (and commas) run amok. I am going to my bed now.