love and something like it

I want you to notice me…to notice me with your whole being. Of course when you walk past you’ll smile, nod and maybe say my name like you always do. But you won’t really notice me. How could you really when you don’t know the real me. When I see you, I am desperate and dorky. Foolish things come out of my mouth. Things that sound cool in my brain but off the tongue only sound dumb. Your coolness and my lack of coolness in your presence makes me mushy, fuzzy and undefined unlike any other area of my life…only with you.

There will be a day when I want you to pay attention. I will want to see in your eyes the sudden recognition of the passion you’ll find that lies just below my boorish surface. One day you’ll read my words and wonder how you missed it so long. You’ll read all my bad poetry and stories of love and in that moment you’ll know my depth what is to be found at my core. You’ll know me because I will have let you in. I’ll have finally given someone, you, me. The me I can only share here in anonymity with relative strangers and “pass her by’s”

You’ll be all the things I see and then so much more because I’ll have learned that when I give it all is when I get it all in return. And I will be open to receive it. You’ll love me for my freedom, my passion, my openness and my curiosity. You’ll love me because I’ll love me and so much so that when the old me returns from time to time out of habit you’ll accept it because you trust my strength, my weakness, my awareness and our love. In return, when you are at your worst I’ll have peace because I’ll trust your strength, your weakness, your awareness and our love.

My day is coming. What was lost can be found again.

I wrote this next part many years ago for the girl I will love always…it seems appropriate some how while waiting for new love..whomever she may be.

SOMETIMES THE ANGELS – Mandy’s song
Sometimes the angels play their little tricks,
and cupid’s arrow goes astray.
It’s a scheme of love won and lost-
a game they love to play.
They knew it was my turn
I would finally have my day
So, here you are with me,
and a smile is all I have to say.
I look forward to you –
come rain, come shine, come what may.
Sometimes the angels their little tricks,
and cupids arrow finds it’s way.
Copyright music_lover_tx 2002

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