I want you to notice me…to notice me with your whole being. Of course, when you walk past, you’ll smile, nod, and maybe say my name like you always do. But you won’t really notice me. How could you really when you don’t know the real me. When I see you, I am desperate and dorky. Foolish things come out of my mouth. Things that sound cool in my brain but off the tongue only sound dumb. Your coolness and my lack of coolness in your presence makes me mushy, fuzzy, and undefined, unlike any other area of my life…only with you.
There will be a day when I want you to pay attention. I will want to see in your eyes the sudden recognition of the passion you’ll find that lies just below my boorish surface. One day, you’ll read my words and wonder how long you missed it. You’ll read all my bad poetry and stories of love, and in that moment, you’ll know my depth – what is to be found at my core. You’ll know me because I will have let you in. I’ll have finally given someone – you – me. I can only share the me here anonymously with relative strangers and “pass her by’s.”
You’ll be all the things I see and then so much more because I’ll have learned what i should have known all along – when I give it all, I get it all in return. And I will be open to receiving it. You’ll love the aspirational me for my freedom, passion, openness, and curiosity. You’ll love me because I’ll love me, and so much so that when the old me returns from time to time out of habit, you’ll accept it because you trust my strength, my weakness, my awareness, and our love. In return, when you are at your worst, I’ll have peace because I’ll, too, trust your strength, your weakness, your awareness, and our love.
My day is coming. What is lost can be found.
Many years ago, I wrote this next part for the girl I will always love…it seems appropriate while waiting for a new love…whomever she may be.
SOMETIMES THE ANGELS
Sometimes, the angels play their little tricks
and Cupid’s arrow goes astray.
It’s a scheme of love won and lost-
a game they love to play.
They knew it was my turn
I would finally have my day
So, here you are with me
and a smile is all I have to say.
I look forward to you –
come rain, come shine, come what may.
Sometimes, the angels their little tricks
and Cupid’s arrow finds its way.
Dixie's Road Trip 