When I was young, if someone had told me as I approached 40 years old that I would be starting over from scratch in my personal relationship, I’d have laughed them away believing at the time that by now I would have built something of substance. Believing that what I made would be solid and true and unwavering. Believing. Over time, as I grew older and experienced more of life and love, my view changed but I don’t think I ever doubted that my life would be much more settled and committed by now.
But, here I am, staring down the barrel of 40, back in what is essentially a kiddie pool that sometimes feels more like swimming the English Channel.
With distance from the end of my relationship, I find myself in a very different place than before I entered it. What I entered into some six plus years ago was safe and comfortable but I lacked the sufficient heart strings to hold any of it together. One set of strings rarely is strong enough to hold the weight of two. However, it’s hold allowed me precious time to heal and repair and to remember just what is important about life. For that I will be forever grateful.
With the caution of 40 but the optimism of 20, I am having my own little renaissance. Dating, being happy, saying yes when I used to say no, not being afraid to make mistakes, learning new life lessons and being free with my emotions is incredibly rewarding. And, it ups the romance factor considerably. Instead of rare moments almost every day holds something special and unique. It’s exhausting and a juggling act but worth every serenaded walk in a downtown square and bubble bath and even the bumps and bruises along the way.
Dare to be happy. the romance and adventure are totally worth it…