new toys

I am about to install the newest addition to my electronics stash. Today, I bought myself a real live turntable. I can finally listen to old collection. I was inspired to get a new one after my free gift from Waterloo this weekend. The Pretenders alone is worth the 100 bucks.

So, I am going back to therapy. I have thought it’s a good idea since last January. And I think it’s a good idea each time before I actually go. Because I think I should go talk to someone who’s not in my direct circle…someone impartial…someone who is paid to listen and I don’t have to think I am burdening my friends with my problems.

But, man, when I start to talk and then he starts to talk back I think what a waste of our collective times.

He held me an hour and a half today too. It’s deep but I know the one thing I need. It was easy to say this to him. It was easy to discuss the facts of it. However, when you’ve lived with something for thirty some odd years and behavior is now more than habit, it’s personality, then there’s no way of knowing if a change is possible. I also spent some time talking about friendships and he actually said that maybe I need to reflect on the value of keeping a friend that consistently makes me feel bad and that maybe I was mistaking trying to apply some sense of loyalty to this relationship. That hit home. Therapists speak ‘you have to decide what you want from this relationship and set appropriate expectations. I could write this shit. Why do I bother paying the money. I could just buy some new records.

Though I have a question…Do you think you can pretend something long enough to make it true?

Wanna come over a listen to some records?