The place below the base of my neck is sharp and keeping it upright and tight only makes it worse. There’s a way to rub and a way to just go to sleep…ways to face it or ways to ignore it…just like every other goddamn thing in my life.
I want to be somewhere else. It all just seems so damn far away. I don’t need much to get me through I just need something familiar. Everything feels so foreign. I keep thinking of some of my favorite places, centerfield at the Softball Hall of Fame, the hidden lake in the Wichita Mountains, the movies, being on a country road, sitting in front of a songwriter with a guitar, any river. Why don’t I live near the water?
I just don’t know. I just don’t know. I’ve peeked out once or twice and dipped my toe in the icy water. But mostly it’s icy and I yank it back, cover it with a fresh sock, throw on my favorite boot and walk on. There’s still alot of tears. But I don’t care about right or wrong anymore. I don’t want to care about where I’ve been and how I got there. I think you are right, new age bullshit or not, there’s a time to stop and a way to do it.
Thanks for being ok with me writing to you.