I am moving this week.I am about to embark on the adventure of living alone again. For the loner that I am it seems weird that it has been so many years since I have lived alone. It’s always been more practical to live with other people – cheaper rent, more space, the dog etc. But on Thursday, Bailey and I will be unlocking the door to our own little loft in the country. I am not as far away from Austin as I was when I moved from Dallas. The place is only a few miles outside of Austin but it feels nice. Last night, I stopped in to drop off a few boxes and was able to step out onto the modest deck and see the stars again shining brillant in the darkness that surrounds my little place. The “FROG PONDerosa“, I have taken to calling it because the address is on frog pond lane.
Thursday night, I will sleep in a new place and I will be surrounded by my things, placed where I want them without having to work around another person’s things. It’s a freedom I’d forgetten I sacrificed. When I put my dishes on the shelves last night, I was happy. I’d forgotten what they looked like. They’ve been boxes and shelved in the storage building.Living alone may be my final downfall though. Spend too much time alone and become rigid and unflexible to the point of being unable to cohabitat when the time arrives. There is no shortage of women who already say I am too independent.
I don’t care much for therapy right now. Why must we always define things so strictly? He says it helps to understand our behavior but I am not convinced. Maybe I am still resistant. I know it was easier when there was something pressing down on me to help me to talk, to be open but I don’t feel that pressure now. We spend too much time on pepper, my sexuality and my mother. Things I have already talked to death in life…so to speak.
lunch with pepper today…