Though I suspect she was out for the tip and I was pretty sure I’d seen her somewhere before, I only half-heartedly flirted. Mostly out of self interest thinking I should work on my skills occasionally so as not to lose them entirely. I was happy with the ‘what can I get you darling’ and ‘would you like another honey’ each time she said it. I hope she was rewarded with my smile. Besides the tip, it was the best thing I had to offer. It is a start. I was reminded of the need to make an effort if nothing else.
The hardest thing to remember is that there truly is nothing to lose. If you want to ask a girl to dance, then dance. If you are thinking of someone, tell them. If you want to call a person, call. If you are hurt, share your pain. If you are happy, share your joy. There’s no possible way on this earth to control how others feel or how they will react. I have tasted the worst thing life has to offer and I survived. Though still, I can’t even count all the times I have gotten caught up in the thoughts that kept me from acting on my feelings. Fear, my memory, my own lack of skill, whatever I reasoned it out to be, I stopped myself from acting on the very things that were important.
The sun is finally showing itself and for the last few days has been bright and clear. What a welcome relief. Spring has sprung into life and in the most important ways so have I. The circumstances that have clouded my days these past few months have finally resolved themselves without my having to confront them.
To him – Your choice to leave this world was completely unexpected but I can say with all honesty, you did me a favor as much as you did yourself.
To you – I still miss you more that ever. I am happy today because it’s finally over. I wish you were here to walk with me but maybe you are always right by my side. How would I know? It comforts me to think so. For you…
Is it real?
Is it true?
This peace of I love you.