the void in my heart

I am lonely and lost. A whole new set of feelings has emerged from me finally laying down my anger and resentments. I’ll be happy tomorrow or some other day but the void in my heart is a big as a canyon. When I do not have something big at work to do….after next week, I wonder what I’ll feel. I don’t even know what I want much less have the gumption to go after it. Today love sucks and I have no stomach for it.

How was she supposed to know. She just wanted answers to all the great questions in the world. She was curious and rebellious. It was a good way to be for a girl who was smart and not too beautiful. She saw life for all the reasons that it is different only to close her eyes when it became familiar and typical.

Validation of her meager exsistence is not to be found in the obscure. It might be too late to do the right, popular thing. But still she’ll tear it down with the wrecking ball of emotion, wipe away the dust and rebuild from the ground up. When asked what happened she’ll happily say it’s a whole new world and I am reborn to it. Her wearing raw flesh, a face in the wind, and a big toothy grin.

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