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So I survived the sin of the city. Las Vegas was prettier than I was expecting. Of course I mean pretty in a gaudy and extravagant way. Lost some money but made some impressions on those I work with. Only time will tell if those impressions will be positive or negative. I don’t know if I will get a reputation as a pain in the ass or as a person confident and willing to offer an opinion when it is warranted.

It was too weird having JH there. There always seems to be some tension. She is one of those people who one on one is very draining and controlling. In a group doses of her get distributed I guess. It explains why I’ve never been able to date her. I always used the long distance excuse and that is true but there is something deeper that keeps me from feeling close to her. Maybe it’s that quality of loneliness, desperation and neediness that exists just below her surface.

I too often worry in work settings if I am with a woman, that it will be assumed she is my lover. I am not sure why I even think about it. Maybe I wouldn’t with a different person. One I could see myself being associated with as my girlfriend. How shallow I can be often takes me by surprise but it is entirely true. I seem to worry about it with JH more than any other. Maybe it is only something in her I don’t want to be equated with. It is a strong reaction though.

BB was distant. I still have the crush. I wonder if she even notices. I was tempted to ignore her in an attempt to not seem to overly interested but failed to do that the first time she came and sat down next to me during our meeting. She is attentive but I feel certain she thinks I am just a kid with brains.

The meeting had some high points. As a result, I will have a chance to attend the conference in New York as a guest of my counterpart in New York. He is being very generous letting me stay in his apartment. I just have to make it fit in my schedule. A work meeting where I can just be a participant. No meetings, no responsibilities beyond attending sessions, learning and meeting people thrown in with my first visit to NY.

I am happy to be home in my own bed.

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