and in the awkward silences

When the phone rang I didn’t think not to answer. It even took me a minute to realize it was pepper. For the first time I can remember, I didn’t have anything to say – nothing good, nothing bad, just nothing at all. Pepper doesn’t know how to take me when I am quiet. But this wasn’t the first…

Remember this? I hadn’t thought about it in years. Another took my hand and then I finally knew what it would be to be loved for the rest of my life. As I believed it would be. As I believed it should be. But that love grows quiet and cold.

For me, love doesn’t look the same anymore. Love has lost its mythical illusions and now is this living breathing thing. It is sharp with beautiful and alluring jagged edges. It is real. It is painful. It is joyous. It is elation. It makes our blood move faster and then it bleeds on us. Now, I don’t look upon it with the same innocent eyes as I once did but saying good bye doesn’t mean forever either. I am no longer fooled by it. I feel it. I live in it and not in the dream of it. And it’s better than it has ever been before.

So, I’ll thank you (and those who came before) for the lesson and thank you not to call me anymore.

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