There’s no reason for it. It will happen time and time again and it’s selfish in the most irritating way…wasted emotion? I’m just a great big bundle of it in disguise. What an utter ruse for what shows on the face can be heard in the voice – the silence, the shorter clipped speech. I am what I show and I am what I say and there’s no hiding it no matter how hard I think I am trying.
And the really irritating part is that now I am saying how I feel when it happens, I just can’t stop myself. Where one was burden now are two. Now, I am remembering why I didn’t in the past. It’s annoying, selfish and weak in disgusting ways. Somewhere, I can believe that it makes me a better partner but honestly, I can’t decide if I want to get used to how it makes me feel or return to older ways when I was less cheesed off with myself.
I am sorry for being so damn selfish and I am sorry for being so damn selfish.