Variables

reasonable events go unnoticed – unreasonable events are remembered

I am never quite brave enough. There are so many things I want to do…need to do. Mostly I am scared but sometimes I am lost. Behind me stands the spirit of those before me. They are in my blood and my past. They were brave. I am soft, unwilling to push my own boundaries….immovable in my security. I speak big and challenge my fear just enough to make myself feel brave but I’m not.

I have been issued a challenge by a simple comment on my personality. Can there be anything worse than being called uptight? I might have settled into reserved or even better, mellow. So I find myself wondering. But that’s not really new is it? I am always wondering this or that. Seeking those things that define me and make me the person others see. But today I am wondering if this is the way many people see me.

Only a few weeks ago, I would laugh and something was held back. I would smile and feel fake. I would cry and feel desperate and weak. I would hurt and feel like a wimp. I was emotionally void save a tension choking my chest.

It’s gone now and I breathe easy and deep.