bad day

I am tired and angry and I have no idea why.

I come home alone…
I can’t park in the driveway because two people who don’t even pay rent are parked there. I hate parking on the street…
I am locked out – the deadbolt locked even though it is obvious I am not home, me with a key that doesn’t work and therefore forced to spend ten minutes ringing the door bell and knocking on the door. Don’t you remember that I still live here…
I am about to spend almost two weeks in forced captivity. All at the hands of my mother…

I am tired and angry and I have no idea why. Is it that all these together are too much for me to bear. On the other days do I really care who is parked in the drive…wouldn’t I find being locked out and standing for 10 minutes in the cold funny…and least we not forget, there are plenty of nights I am alone. So what the fuck is wrong tonight? I had to walk in my room and close the door so I wouldn’t be pissy to Melly but she stood there trying to fix the deadbolt issue, waiting and I was an asshole anyway.

Why can’t people just leave me alone to deal with my irrational self. I suppose it would be better if I could avoid the irrational anger but that’s obviously never going to happen. If it is real and valid anger, I am perfectly capable of telling those who need to hear it. But when I know I am being irrational, why expose others to my anger. It never works out that way. It always makes people feel bad like I think they have done something wrong…I can’t win and I can’t control the anger.

I am so tired and angry and I have no idea why.